Refuge
by MeB XanWill4Ever
Summary: (Language)The Willow they knew was not really the Willow they knew...
1. The Refuge

REFUGE  
  
Author: MeB (aka XanWill4Ever)  
  
Email: lenoxfiles@hotmail.com  
  
Spoiler: This story starts out before the First Season. It picks up after "Witch" in the First Season. Then, continues some time in Season Six before Tara and Willow had broken up because of Willow's obsession with magic.  
  
Pairing: Xander/Willow  
  
Summary: This is a story about a girl who lost five years of her life.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters of Buffy tVS are the property of Joss.  
  
Rating - PG-13 Language xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwwxwxwxwxwxwxw  
  
Chapter 1-Refuge  
  
Little five-year old Willow Rosenberg cried hard into her pillow. The only boy in the whole wide world that really meant so much to her had hurt her badly. Her little heart was broken in pieces. Her heart was so broken, how could any doctor ever possibly be good enough to glue her heart back together again?  
  
Xander Harris had stolen her Barbie, and he wouldn't give it back. Why did boys have to be so mean? How could they just want to play in one second, and the next second, do bad things? Like steal Barbie's? How could Xander do such a thing? Willow thought they had been going out like older couples do. Like her mom and dad did.  
  
Well...maybe not like her mom and dad did since she knew they also did grownup, mushy things that were just yucky. Still, Xander was everything to her, and yet he took her Barbie from her.  
  
She cried until she fell asleep.  
  
They were still friends after that. Even though the Barbie was gone from her life, at least Xander was still there. Their friendship grew. Xander even made fun of Cordelia Chase whenever she made fun of Willow. He stuck up for her and called Cordelia things that made Willow blush.  
  
When they were nine, Xander asked Willow to come to his house so that he could show her something. She went to his house and was just in time to see him come running out through the back door.  
  
"Come back here, you goddamn little shit!!" Xander's father yelled after him. He sounded drunk...and mean.  
  
Xander kept running, completely ignoring his father, or at least trying to. He had on a tool belt and he was holding a hammer in one hand. With his free hand, he reached for Willow. "C'mon, Will!" He sounded frantic. "Let's run!"  
  
The two best friends ran, hand in hand. Xander's father stood on the back porch and he glared after them, and he shouted some more, but to no avail. Finally, he went back into the house and he drank some more. Xander and Willow kept running. Willow didn't care where they were running to, just as long as she was running with Xander. She glanced at him as they ran and she could see his lower lip trembling.  
  
That was not a good thing.  
  
He must have been punished for something. He got punished a lot. Sometimes, he got punished for just being home - for being in the way.  
  
So they ran.  
  
They ran into the woods and Xander led her to a project he had been working on. There was a neat stack of two-by-fours, and there was some wood paneling. A tree had steps nailed into it for a ladder. Xander had been preparing a tree fort. He even had a floor at the top of the ladder and he was ready to put up the walls.  
  
They stood side by side and looked at the tree. Xander was breathing hard, and from the look on his face, he was already beginning to deny what had happened back at the house.  
  
"See our tree fort?" he asked Willow, not turning to look at her.  
  
Willow tried to see his face, but he kept his left side away from her. "X- Xander, are you okay?" she asked with concern.  
  
Xander backed up a step and he shrugged like nothing happened. "Hey, Will. I'm good. You know me." He raised a hand toward the fort. "What do you think?"  
  
She touched his face and turned him so that she could see him clearly. There was a nasty black-and-blue bruise around his eye. "Oh..." Willow felt like crying herself. "Xander..."  
  
He swallowed. "Hey..." he shrugged helplessly, "forget it, Will. I-I fell. You know...clumsy me."  
  
"You know you can't fool me." She looked at him sadly. "I-I know you didn't fall, Xander."  
  
Xander nodded his head. "Yeah...well...yeah." He finally looked at her. "I've got my sleeping bag up there, you know? A lantern." He forced a smile as he began to get himself excited about the fort. "I'm gonna sleep here tonight...maybe every night, but...I want to get the walls up and the roof before the sun goes down." He looked at her. "Wanna help?"  
  
"You know it, mister," Willow said with a smile of encouragement. "You're just a regular carpenter kind of guy, aren't you?"  
  
They went to work on the fort. Willow even tried her hand at hammering a nail into a piece of plywood. She gave it three whacks and on the third whack, she cried out as she struck her thumb. She couldn't help it. She was just a girl and so she cried and said it was a stupid idea to build a fort. Xander took her in his arms and he kissed her thumb.  
  
"It's okay, Will," he said gently to her. "Look. It's not broken. You'll be okay."  
  
She looked at him. "B-but it hurts."  
  
He kissed her thumb again. "Shhh. It'll be okay. I won't let the bad hammer do it again. Okay?"  
  
She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Promise?"  
  
He nodded. "Promise."  
  
That night, they had the walls up, but Willow hadn't hammered in any more nails. She handed everything to Xander that he needed. The nail she had started to hit was sticking out of the wood. Xander had broken off a piece of plywood and he had written something on it with a magic marker.  
  
At the top, he wrote...  
  
REFUGE  
  
Below that, he wrote...  
  
THE FRIENDSHIP NAIL  
  
Then he hung the sign he made on the nail that Willow had tried to bang in.  
  
Willow looked at him. "The Friendship Nail?"  
  
Xander nodded. "It's a symbol of our friendship, Will. It's sacred. It's so sacred that it can never be broken."  
  
"R-really?"  
  
He nodded again. "We made this fort together. I could never have done it without you." He looked around and smiled as the lantern flickered and cast shadows on the walls. "This is our refuge. We will always be safe here, Will. From everything." He smiled. "No one will ever be allowed in unless we invite them."  
  
Willow smiled. "That's nice." She looked at the bruise on his face. She touched it gently. "D-does it hurt?"  
  
He shook his head. "Nah. It's...it's fine."  
  
"Are...are you really gonna sleep out here? By yourself?"  
  
He swallowed. Then he nodded. "Yeah." He didn't want to go back home. Not ever.  
  
Willow hesitated. "W-would you like me to stay with you?" she asked meekly.  
  
He smiled. "Would I? Yes! You're my best friend, and this is your refuge, too."  
  
The two friends snuggled together in the sleeping back and they talked throughout most of the night.  
  
Below them, out in the woods, a presence watched them. This presence was evil, but it recognized the Refuge for what it was. It respected the boundaries set up by those who built it. They didn't even realize what they had done, the presence thought. Just two bloody kids building a fort, and it might as well be a fortress. Well, imagine that.  
  
The presence listened to them talk, and then it moved off into the night. At that time, it had simply been passing through Sunnydale. It was curious about the place, and what it saw of Sunnydale only convinced it that it would be back one day.  
  
As for Xander and Willow, their friendship strengthened. They used the Refuge a lot. They spent many nights there dreaming about the future. Sharing their hopes and fears. Until one day it happened.  
  
Willow had stopped coming to the Refuge, and Xander couldn't understand why. She had stopped coming to it some time after Buffy Summers had moved into town. They had gone to the Bronze. They had come to believe that Sunnydale was infested with vampires. They had even met a Witch, and it was after that when Willow had stopped coming to the Refuge.  
  
It was in the hallway at school when it happened. The door slammed open and Amy Madison walked in only to be confronted by a shy and frightened Willow Rosenberg. Amy was actually Catherine, her mother. The evil witch had wanted her daughters youth for her own and so she had simply taken it.  
  
Now this little bitch thought that she could actually stand in her way.  
  
"Amy!" Willow exclaimed nervously, standing in her way.  
  
Amy/Catherine glared daggers at her. "Get out of my way!"  
  
"W-wait!" Willow hesitated as she tried to think of something to stall the angry witch. "I-I-I need to talk to you. I-I can help you."  
  
Amy/Catherine scowled. "Help me? With what?"  
  
"Uh, well, y'know, all your witchcraft! I-I know this really good cauldron."  
  
Xander sneaked up behind Amy/Catherine.  
  
Willow made a face. "Do you actually ride a broom?"  
  
Suddenly, Amy/Catherine twisted around, growled, and she held out her hand like she was grabbing Xander's neck. His hand went to his throat and a shocked look crossed his face. Amy/Catherine made a fist and she twisted it. Xander collapsed to the floor, choking.  
  
Willow looked at her best friend in horror. "Xander!"  
  
Amy/Catherine spun back around and she punched Willow hard in the face, knocking her to the floor. Then, she started to run to the lab.  
  
Willow fell hard to the floor, but something was horribly wrong. She saw Xander get up and he helped her to sit up. She nodded that she was okay, and then he ran off after Amy/Catherine. Unfortunately, she was not okay at all. She leaned against the wall and couldn't understand why her legs suddenly felt like jelly. The corridor began to spin. She fell to one knee and closed her eyes.  
  
She saw Catherine Madison's angry face. It seemed to float toward her.  
  
Willow opened her mouth to scream, and then her world went black.  
  
xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwwxwxwxwxwxw  
  
TO BE CONTINUED-- 


	2. The Arrival

Five years later...  
  
Chapter 2-The Arrival  
  
LA International Airport was a busy place, but then again, that was LA for you, thought the raven-haired woman as she headed outside the terminal to wait for her ride. She didn't have too long to wait. Faith was no sooner walking through the doors when she saw a car waiting at the curbside. She knew the car was there for her because Angel was leaning against it, watching her.  
  
Faith walked toward him and smiled coyly. "You don't waste any time, do you?"  
  
Angel shook his head and he smiled wryly. "Not in my life. Time is too precious to waste." He paused. "How are you doing?"  
  
She wanted to say "Five by five," but felt that maybe she should try something new. Something that wouldn't illicit memories of her former self from just a few years ago. So she bit her tongue and then she said, "Alive and kicking. How about yourself?"  
  
He grinned. "Kicking."  
  
She only had one bag and it contained everything she owned. She didn't have anything else. "So you've come to take me away from it all, right? Quentin Travers told me to be expecting you."  
  
He opened the door for her. "What else did he say?"  
  
"He said that this was the only way I could truly redeem myself. He also said if I wanted my freedom, I would do as you asked without question." She shrugged. "Other than that...he didn't tell me a damn thing."  
  
"But you accepted his conditions?"  
  
"I did." She looked up at him. "I will do as you say...but I will ask questions." She climbed into the car.  
  
Angel closed the door and he walked over to the drivers side. He climbed in and he put the car into drive. As he pulled away from the curb, he glanced at her. "Do you have any questions?"  
  
"Just one." Her eyes locked onto him with deep emotion, but she kept it back as much as she could. "Why am I here?"  
  
Angel stopped at a red light. "I need your help."  
  
She thought about that. If Angel wanted her help, she would give it. She owed him that much and more. "Angel, I will do what I can to make it up--"  
  
"No," he suddenly told her. "Faith, let's get something straight right now. There's no score cards here. I'm not keeping a tally of all the wrong you've done in your life, or of the people you've hurt. If you want to do that, that's fine, but I know what you've been going through and you don't have anything to prove with me."  
  
She swallowed nervously. "You mean...there's no slate to clean?"  
  
He shook his head. "No slate to clean." He drove onto the main highway. "You don't need me to forgive you, Faith. I'm just as guilty of wrong doing as you are. The only difference is that I lost my soul and then got it back. You were just a little...messed up."  
  
Faith nodded and laughed nervously. "Yeah. I really was fucked up, wasn't I?" She looked at him. "Sorry. Freudian slip."  
  
Angel grinned. "That's okay."  
  
Faith hesitated. "Look, Angel...then I have to know if this has anything to do with...with Buffy and the gang. Last I knew, they were sorely pissed off at me, and if I go back to Sunnydale now...what am I supposed to do? How can I make things right with them? I mean, God! I almost killed Willow! I switched bodies with B, and I know she'll want to kick my ass into the middle of next week. Angel, how do I fix this?"  
  
"By helping someone in need."  
  
"Who?"  
  
Angel looked at her. He saw an all night diner and pulled into the parking lot. He and Faith got out and the entered into the diner. As they did, Faith realized just how hungry she was. Her stomach rumbled.  
  
Angel grinned at her as they took a booth. A waitress came to them and filled their glasses with water. She handed them menu's and came back a few minutes later to take their order. Angel ordered a coffee, and Faith ordered a steak with mushrooms, a baked potato, green beans, and a cup of coffee.  
  
"You really are hungry," Angel observed.  
  
"You bet your ass I am, boyfriend," Faith retorted. "If you've seen the food I've been living off of, you'd be hungry, too."  
  
They made small talk until the food arrived. When the waitress went away again, Angel wanted to be certain they wouldn't be interrupted, at least for awhile. The others back at the Hotel needed time to prepare anyway.  
  
Faith recognized his look. He was getting ready for business. She took a sip of coffee and regarded him. "Am I going to be floored by this?" she asked.  
  
Angel nodded his head. "Oh, yeah. I think you'll be floored by this. Actually, it was you who stumbled onto this whole mess to begin with."  
  
Her face fell. "Oh, God." She dropped her fork. "You're saying this is my fault?"  
  
"No," Angel quickly assured her. "No, Faith. You didn't do anything wrong. All you did was point the Council in the right direction and you let them know that something was wrong." He looked solemn. "It took them a long time to figure it out, but they finally did. Now...we have to correct the wrong that was done."  
  
Faith picked up her fork and looked at him. "What direction did I point the Council to?" She began to eat her steak.  
  
Angel hesitated. Then he took something out of his coat and he placed it onto the table between them. Faith took one look at the object and she hissed between her teeth.  
  
"Jesus Christ, Angel!" she exclaimed. "What the hell is that thing doing here?" She seemed to back away from it. She even slid her dinner away from it as if it could contaminate it somehow. Faith found she could not take her eyes off the cheerleader trophy. "God, I feel like that fucking thing is watching me. It freaks me out!"  
  
Angel let out a sigh. "You were the one who discovered it."  
  
"Me? What are you talking about?"  
  
"I'm talking about what you told the Watcher's Council. How you woke up from your coma and then you went on a little sight-seeing tour through the ruins of the old High School. That's when you found this."  
  
Faith nodded. "Yeah. I remember that, but how the hell did you get it? When I picked that thing up..." She shivered. "Damn it, Angel. That was one freaky thing I felt. I can't even begin to describe it. It was like for one whole second, I was trapped in this dark prison with some other girl." She pointed at the trophy. "After it passed, I dropped that thing where I found it and I ran like hell."  
  
"Most of the Council thought you had made it up."  
  
"What? They said that?" She frowned. "Those bastards."  
  
"Some of them said you might have been hallucinating." He watched her.  
  
She ground her teeth in anger. "Son-of-a-bitch! Hallucinating?!"  
  
"Well, those who said that meant you had just come out of a coma and your mind could have been susceptible to hallucinations."  
  
"I wasn't hallucinating anything," she protested.  
  
Angel regarded her. "Faith, why don't you tell me what happened?" He waited.  
  
Faith put her fork down and looked at Angel. She sighed. "It's not easy to describe, man."  
  
"Try."  
  
She paused in thought. Finally, she shrugged. "Okay." She let out a deep breath. "I'll tell you what I told the Council. After I left the hospital, I did go to the school to check it out. I mean, Jesus, Angel...I wake up and some girl I never saw before tells me that the whole school blew up...I mean, what a way to come back to the land of the living." She shook her head. "So I was curious. I went to the school and I even ventured into it's halls. What was left of them. Must have been a hell of an explosion."  
  
"It was," Angel told her. "I was there."  
  
"Right. Anyway, I found that trophy in the rubble. I don't know why I did it, but I picked it up. When I saw it there..." She took a deep breath. She tried to form what she had experienced into words. Finally, she looked at Angel. "I felt like the damned thing was calling me, Angel."  
  
"It said your name?"  
  
She shook her head. "No. It was more of a feeling than anything I can describe accurately. I felt some kind of presence and whatever the presence was..." She frowned. "It felt like terror. The presence was terrified."  
  
Angel nodded. "You felt this...from the trophy."  
  
Faith nodded. "Yes. So, God help me, I picked the freaking thing up and my mind took me to another place. It was like waking up from a coma again. I was in this place...but I don't know where or what it was. It was dark, and yet I could see clearly, and there was this girl..."  
  
"What did she look like?"  
  
Faith hesitated. "I...I'm not exactly sure. I only saw her for a second or two, and she was beyond FUBAR, you know? I mean, she was screaming in hysterics, Angel. Blood curdling screams that make your blood freeze. You know?"  
  
Angel looked at her. "FUBAR?"  
  
She returned his look. "Wait a minute. You're almost two hundred and fifty years old and you've never heard FUBAR?"  
  
"Humor me."  
  
Faith hesitated. Then she rolled her eyes. "It means, 'Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.'"  
  
Angel paused. He suddenly looked weary. "Faith...did you recognize this girl?"  
  
"I said I wasn't sure, Angel. It was only an image."  
  
"But...?" Angel pressed her.  
  
Faith sighed. "For just a second, I thought the girl I had seen was Willow Rosenberg." She shrugged. "But that's insane, right? So what are we even talking about?"  
  
Angel looked at the trophy. "We are talking about Willow, Faith. Willow is trapped inside of this trophy, and she's been trapped in there for five years."  
  
Faith froze. "Huh?"  
  
"Ever since you told them about what you found at the school, the Council has been watching Willow closely...or at least the person masquerading as Willow. The trophy was taken to the Council and they examined it thoroughly. It seems they have discovered that there is a fifteen year old girl trapped inside the trophy."  
  
Faith stared at him. "Are you shitting me?"  
  
"No, Faith. I am not shitting you. Willow, the real Willow, is in this trophy and we have to get her out."  
  
Faith picked up the trophy and stared at the eyes. She moved it back and forth and back and forth. She remembered once that the eyes had followed her, but this time, they didn't. "Are you sure, Angel?" she asked. "The eyes aren't following me this time."  
  
Angel paused as he took a sip of coffee. "The Council had a spell placed on the trophy. They put Willow to sleep in the hopes that when we restore her, we'll be able to help her."  
  
Faith frowned. "Do you think she'll really be FUBAR when she is restored?"  
  
"Let's hope not, but that's why you're here. You saw her in there. It's our hope that maybe if she sees you, she'll recognize you."  
  
"I don't mean to sound redundant, Angel...but are you shitting me?"  
  
Angel frowned. "Can't you just ask me if I'm serious?"  
  
She grinned. "Are you serious?"  
  
"Yes. So will you help?"  
  
"Hell, yeah. If I can." She thought of Buffy and the others. "Does the gang know about this?"  
  
Angel shook his head. "With the exception of Giles, no. Buffy, Xander, and the rest of the Scoobies haven't a clue. In fact, we only told Giles a few days ago."  
  
"And you convinced him?"  
  
"We did."  
  
"Angel...how did this happen?"  
  
Angel sighed. "Buffy once told me about a powerful witch named Catherine Madison who had visions of living the life of someone young again. This woman used black arts to switch bodies with her own daughter, but Buffy thought that Giles had foiled her plans to live foot loose and fancy free. It's the Councils belief that somehow, she had switched bodies again with someone weak who was nearby. Someone she had to have made a link with somehow. That someone was Willow."  
  
Faith paused to let it all sink in. There was a lot to swallow there. "So...what now?"  
  
"We'll go back to the hotel." He looked at his watch. "Right about this time, Giles will have brought Willow, and the others will have her in a binding spell." He looked at Faith. "That's if all goes well."  
  
Faith nodded. "How is Giles getting Willow here?"  
  
Angel shrugged. "He said he would be able to convince her that we needed her help in the area of magic. He believes she would jump at the chance to show off her knowledge of the black arts."  
  
"Jesus, Angel...was she still dating that Tara?" She shook her head. "I think that relationship just went south."  
  
Angel paid for the dinner and then he took the trophy. Together, he and Faith headed back to Angel's car. They climbed into it and headed for the hotel. If they succeeded, they intended to put Willow back where she belonged. After that, the healing process was going to take a very long time.  
  
xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwwxwxwxwxwxw  
  
TO BE CONTINUED-- 


	3. The Awakening

Chapter 3-The Awakening  
  
Faith had no idea what to expect when she and Angel arrived at the hotel. What met her eyes upon entering the place, however, wasn't what she had expected to see. Rupert Giles, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, and Cordelia Chase were standing in the lobby. Willow Rosenberg was floating above the floor, her head tilted back, and her arms pinned to her side by something that looked gelatinous.  
  
"I-it's about time," Giles retorted, relieved to see them. He held out his hand for the trophy, which Angel gave to him. His face was wet with sweat, evidence of the struggle he had to endure to keep the redhead bound by magic. "Le-let's get this thing done, shall we?" He glanced up at Willow and no matter how hard he tried, he could not mask the pain in his eyes. "I-if this works, Angel...she's going to be one confused little girl."  
  
"She'll remember you and Cordelia," Angel told him. "She's known the both of you a lot longer than any of us."  
  
Wesley looked worried. "She won't recognize me at all."  
  
"Or me." Angel looked up at Willow. "At that time, I was just getting to know Buffy. They didn't know I was a vampire until much later. I don't think Willow has even seen me before that day, but I'm sure Buffy must have told her about this mysterious guy who dropped in from time to time."  
  
Giles saw Faith standing off to the side. She was watching him closely, like she wanted to either run to him and hug him, or turn tail and run out of there, crying. Giles approached her, wearing his stern look. Finally, he said, "Oh, F-Faith...it is good to see you again."  
  
She stared at him. "It is?"  
  
He hugged her and she found herself returning the hug. She couldn't believe it. Giles was actually hugging her. She really did want to cry but she managed to keep it all in. After all, crying was something she tried never to do, at least in front of other people.  
  
Giles smiled wearily at her. "I-I understand that you had some kind of link with Willow when you discovered the trophy."  
  
Faith hesitated. "Maybe, Giles. I don't really know what it was, but if I can help, I will."  
  
"Okay. That's g-good. Thank you." He took a deep breath. "You, Cordelia, and-and I are going to stand around Willow. We're going to form a triangle." He looked at Angel. "You and-and Wesley will want to stay back."  
  
Angel nodded. "Of course." He joined Wesley behind the counter. They watched as Giles, Cordelia, and Faith took their places around Willow. Willow had raised her head and she was glaring with hatred at Giles. Her eyes were black and when Faith saw her face, she gasped. This girl looked like Willow, but that was not Willow in there. She was sure of it now.  
  
Giles held up the trophy before Willow and he raised his other hand toward the ceiling. He began to chant.  
  
"I am so going to kill you, little man," Willow growled menacingly.  
  
Faith swallowed. Jesus Christ, it didn't even sound like the Willow she knew.  
  
Giles ignored Willow completely. "Corsheth and Gilail! The gate is closed! Receive the dark! Release the unworthy!" He grabbed onto the trophy with both hands and faced it toward Willow. The eyes on the trophy began to glow.  
  
Giles shouted. "Be sated! Release the unworthy!"  
  
Cordelia stared up at Willow's face. She was chanting, too. Willow's head snapped back and she cried out. "Nooo! No! Damn you!" Willow was unable to keep her eyes open.  
  
The trophy began to glow in Giles' hands. Faith stared in wonder as she thought she saw a ghostly image coming out of it. Then she saw another ghostly image come out of Willow. This image was of an older woman, a woman who was very angry and full of hatred. She appeared to be struggling hard to remain inside of Willow's body.  
  
"Release!" Giles shouted.  
  
Catherine Madison screamed in fury.  
  
"Release!"  
  
The ghostly image of Willow and the image of Madison came face to face. Madison seemed to be reaching for her with cruel intentions. The sight of the ghostly image of Willow almost freaked Faith out, for even though she looked like Willow, she had longer hair and she seemed younger. The ghostly image of Willow stared in horror at the Madison ghost with wide eyes and she screamed a blood-curdling scream. Faith felt shivers run through her body. She couldn't bring herself to move. She stood very still and continued to watch the two ghostly images above the lobby.  
  
"RELEEEEASE!" Giles cried out one more time.  
  
Suddenly, the images moved. The ghost of Willow was literally pulled into her body as the image of Madison was sucked into the trophy that Giles held. Willow's body went rigid and her eyes snapped open, wide in terror. Giles fell back onto the floor with the trophy in his hands. As he lay on his back, he dropped the trophy as if it were a serpent. He knew Catherine Madison was in there, however, because he had felt her try to burn him as he had been holding the damned thing. He got to his feet and looked up at Willow.  
  
The poor girl was frantic. She was looking around in confusion, tears welling up in her eyes. She was whimpering softly to herself.  
  
"Giles!" Cordelia called him out of his reverie. "The binding spell."  
  
Giles nodded. "Y-yes. Of course." He raised a hand toward her and removed the binding spell.  
  
Willow slumped to the floor and then she looked around in wide-eyed terror. She looked at Cordelia, then Faith, and then Giles. She saw Angel and Wesley who were both coming out from behind the counter. Her eyes took them all in. She tried to get to her feet, but her legs wouldn't work right. She stumbled back onto the floor.  
  
Cordelia began to approach her to try and help her up, but Willow screamed and recoiled away from her. She dragged herself on the floor as far away as she could. She stared around in horror, looking from one person to the next. Cordelia stopped and she looked to Giles for help.  
  
"This is-is going to be a lot more difficult than we thought," he said softly. He looked at the poor frightened child. She still looked like the Willow Rosenberg he knew, but he could see the young fifteen year old looking out at him with those eyes. "Willow," he said softly. "Do you know what's happened to you? Do you remember who I am?"  
  
Willow stared at him. She pressed her back against the wall, wrapped her arms around her knees, and she began to cry. Her eyes traveled from one person to the next, but there seemed to be no memory. Giles was afraid of this. How could he have believed that this wasn't going to happen? Willow had been trapped inside that accursed trophy for at least three years before it was brought to the council. For three years, she had watched life pass her by from within the confines of her prison. A prison she should have never been placed into.  
  
Giles looked at Angel. "We n-need to sedate her."  
  
Angel nodded. He had been expecting that. He went around the counter, and walked into his office. On his desk was the syringe case he had set there earlier that evening. He opened it and pulled out a syringe. As he came out, he said with resignation, "You'd better hold on to her."  
  
Willow sat huddled against the wall. When she saw them coming for her, she freaked. She again tried to stand, but her legs refused to work. So she crawled away from her tormentors as they came. Wesley, Giles, and Cordelia finally grabbed her and they tried to keep her still, but she fought them. She struggled against them. She screamed.  
  
Suddenly, Wesley cried out in pain as Willow sank her teeth into his arm. In spite of that, he kept his grip on her as Angel finally managed to give her the shot. Willow's struggles began to cease. She closed her eyes and soon lost consciousness.  
  
Faith had stood by and watched everything. She didn't know what to do. This was something she was not used to. She looked at Willow with concern and wondered how she was supposed to help her. It didn't seem possible that she could.  
  
Cordelia looked at Wesley's arm and took a deep breath. "God, that's deep. C'mon, Wesley. I'd better see to that." She looked down at Willow lying on the floor, who seemed to be sleeping now. Then she led Wesley into the back room.  
  
Angel, Giles, and Faith were left with Willow. The two men were kneeling over the poor girl, her red hair falling softly on her face. Giles looked down at her and he was trying to keep a tight reign on his emotions, but he was losing. His body trembled.  
  
"Giles," Angel said softly.  
  
"I-I should have known, Angel," Giles said in a hoarse whisper. "I-I should have-have seen this coming."  
  
"You didn't. No one did." He glanced over at the ex-Slayer. "Except for Faith." He looked at Giles. "If it wasn't for Faith, we'd never have known." He paused. "The question is; what do we do now?"  
  
Giles swallowed as he took off his glasses to wipe at his eyes. "W-we should put her in a room...I-I know a few healing spells I can-can use on her. S-spells to suppress the memories of what she was forced to en- endure." He took a deep breath. "P-perhaps with that done, she-she may come around." At least he hoped so.  
  
Angel nodded. He reached down, scooped up Willow in his arms, and he headed for the stairs. Faith and Giles followed behind.  
  
xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwx  
  
TO BE CONTINUED-- 


	4. A Little Faith

Chapter 4-A Little Faith  
  
Faith sat in silence as she watched Giles use whatever magic he knew of on Willow to help her. The poor girl was unaware of it, however, as she remained in blissful sleep due to the sedative Angel had injected into her. She laid peacefully on the bed in one of the hotel's many rooms as Giles placed his hands gently on her face. He stroked her hair and touched her forehead as he spoke some kind of chant.  
  
Angel and Cordelia watched as they remained on one side of the room. Faith sat in a chair by the window, also watching. The only sound in the room was Giles chanting away with whatever magic ritual he thought would help. Faith hoped it would help. She wanted to make things right with Willow, but she never expected she would be doing that with Willow Rosenberg from five years past. A Willow she didn't even know. However, the events, which led her to where she sat now, only strengthened her resolve to do what she could, no matter what the cost.  
  
After awhile, Giles got up and he moved away from the bed, leaving Willow alone. Faith stood up to follow but before she did, she looked down at the sleeping girl and she noticed how peaceful she looked. Did Giles' spells work? They would all know when the time came for Willow to wake up from her sleep.  
  
Faith met with the others out in the hall, but she was reacting out of instinct when she remained in the doorway with the door partially closed. She wanted to be able to hear Willow if the girl needed help in any way.  
  
"Giles, do you think it will work?" Angel was asking him as he glanced at Faith.  
  
Giles looked exhausted. "Y-yes. I think so, Angel, but-but we really won't know until she wakes up." He blamed himself for the whole affair and everyone present knew it.  
  
"Stop blaming yourself," Angel told him. "No one saw this coming. Giles, Willow is going to need your help. She's going to need you to be strong."  
  
Giles nodded. "Yes. O-of course, you're right. I'm-I'm just having a difficult time accepting this." He paused. "Angel, she may need to stay here for a day or two...be-before I take her back to Sunnydale. Willow will need to recuperate."  
  
Angel agreed. "She can stay as long as it takes."  
  
"G-good. I'll...I'll need to call Buffy and t-tell her that we need more time helping you on your...latest mystery."  
  
"Giles," Cordelia said, "why don't you tell Buffy what really happened?"  
  
Giles hesitated. "No. N-no, Cordelia...I-I won't do that over the phone. When the time is right...I'll tell her." He headed slowly down the hall. His shoulders were slumped and his head was bowed in defeat.  
  
Faith watched him go. When she turned her head, she found that Angel and Cordelia were watching her.  
  
"Will you be all right with Willow?" Angel asked her. "You'll call us when she wakes?"  
  
Faith cleared her throat. "Yeah. Sure." She nodded. "I'm good here. I'll, uh, I'll keep an eye on her."  
  
"Thanks." Angel gave her shoulder a squeeze of affection. Then he and Cordelia walked away.  
  
Faith closed the door and she went back to her chair by the window. She watched Willow for awhile. Some time later, Willow became restless in her sleep. She began to toss and turn, and occasionally she would cry out. Faith got up and looked at Willow with concern.  
  
"N-n-n-no, no...noo," Willow moaned in her sleep.  
  
Faith sat beside her and brushed Willow's hair from her face. She looked so troubled. Willow's lips parted as a sob escaped from her. She was having a nightmare. As she thrashed some more in her sleep, Faith became concerned she was going to hurt herself so she did the only thing she could think of. She sat up on the bed, took Willow in her arms and held her. She shushed her and began to rock her.  
  
At first she felt very odd in doing it, but as she saw that it seemed to have a positive affect, she kept rocking her. Willow slept and Faith continued to hold her. Time slipped by, and the sun began to peek in through the curtains. Stifling a yawn, Faith got up from the bed and made sure that Willow was okay. Then she left the room to fetch a much needed cup of coffee. She went down stairs, made her way to the kitchen and found what she was looking for.  
  
Coffee. Black. Strong.  
  
Wesley was up and he had already brewed a fresh pot. With his arm wrapped in a bandage, he greeted Faith as she approached and looked at her with respect. "It's good to see you, Faith."  
  
She smiled as she poured herself a cup. "Thanks. You, too."  
  
"Is, er, Willow doing all right?"  
  
She shrugged. "So far. She had a nightmare during the night, but she's slept soundly for the most part."  
  
"Did you get any sleep?"  
  
She shook her head. "Nah. Besides, I don't really need all my beauty sleep. Aren't I gorgeous enough?" She grinned to show that she was joking.  
  
He smiled. "Well, of course, I can see that." He stopped as he realized what he had just admitted. "Uh, Faith, how are you doing?"  
  
She looked at him and shrugged. "I'm doing fine. Nothing can keep me down, Wes. I always bounce right back up, but this time, I aim to do it right." She paused. "Tell me, what's going to happen to that trophy? Are you going to burn it?"  
  
Wesley shook his head. "No. We'll send it back to the Council. They'll take care of it."  
  
Faith thought about that. "Well, I hope they do take care of it." She waved at him. "I'd better check on Willow." She took her coffee and went back to the room.  
  
Upon entering the room, she soon discovered that the bed was empty. "Oh, shit," she cursed herself. That's when she heard it. It sounded like someone was throwing up.  
  
Faith put her coffee down onto the table and she went around the bed, moving toward the bathroom on the other side of the hotel room. She cautiously poked her head around the bathroom's doorframe and there she found Willow.  
  
The poor girl had thrown up in the toilet, and now she was sitting on the floor trembling. She didn't notice Faith at all because she was staring at her reflection in the mirror on the bathroom wall. She could see herself from where she was sitting, and from the look on her face, she didn't seem convinced she was actually seeing herself. Her hands went to her hair, which she had remembered was longer than it was now. Even her face didn't look like the face of a fifteen-year old girl, but it was the face of a young woman.  
  
She looked down at her chest. Then she looked into the mirror. Tears filled her eyes.  
  
"I-I'm not me," she said in a hoarse whisper. "I-I'm not...me." She put her face in her hands and laid herself on the floor. She began to weep.  
  
Faith entered and knelt beside her. "Aw, hey. C'mon there, Will. It'll be all right." She tried to put her arms around her. "C'mon now, I'll--"  
  
Willow bolted upright and pressed her back against the bathtub. She stared at Faith, eyes wide in terror. "N-no, please..."  
  
Faith spread her hands out. "Easy, Will. I'm not here to hurt you. Please. You have to trust me."  
  
"W-where am I?" The tears were flowing down her face. "Oh, p-please, wh- what's happening to me?"  
  
Faith swallowed as she tried to keep herself from crying along with Willow. Yeah, like that would really help. She took a deep breath. "Listen to me, Willow. You're in a hotel--"  
  
"Wh-what?" She looked around fearfully. "H-hotel?" She focused her eyes on the young woman before her. "Who are you? W-why am I here?"  
  
"My name is Faith." God, what the hell am I going to say to her? "Willow, I know you don't understand what's happening right now. But you have to believe me, I'm trying to help you. Giles is here, and--"  
  
That name struck a memory. "G-Giles?" She thought back to Amy Madison. Buffy was dying from a spell cast upon her by Amy's mother. Giles was trying to break the spell...but why were they in a hotel?  
  
"Yes, Giles," Faith said with an encouraging nod. "He's here. Cordelia's here, too."  
  
"C-Cordelia Chase?" Willow began to cry.  
  
Faith looked stunned. "Hey, c'mon, girlfriend. Cordelia's a friend...isn't she?"  
  
"N-no. She's the Ice Q-queen of-of Mean."  
  
Faith took a hold of Willow's hands and squeezed them reassuringly. "Well, c'mon. Let me help you. Please?" She looked into her eyes. "We'll take it slow and I'll be there for you every step of the way. I know you don't know me...but I really do owe it to you to be there for you."  
  
Willow looked at her with tear-stained eyes. She saw in her mind a dark place, but somehow she saw Faith reaching for her. It was an image in her mind, and she didn't know what it meant, but somehow she felt a connection with the raven-haired girl. She recognized her and didn't understand why. Finally, she nodded. "O-okay." She didn't know what else to do. She was so disoriented and lost that she had no choice but to trust Faith.  
  
Faith helped her up. Willow almost stumbled. Faith held her up and then she helped her back to the bed. "God, you're burning up, girl. Let me help you out of those clothes and under the covers. Okay?"  
  
Willow nodded.  
  
Faith helped to undress her. Willow couldn't do it because she was shaking too badly. The shaking didn't seem to stop. After Faith put her under the covers, she hurried to the door and called for anyone who would hear her. Then she went back to Willow. The girl was lying on her side with her face in her hands. She couldn't stop crying either.  
  
That did it for Faith. Her eyes began to tear up as she got back onto the bed and held Willow to her. She was so angry with Catherine Madison she wanted to kill the bitch with her own bare hands.  
  
"It'll be okay, Willow," she said to the sobbing red head. "I swear to God, it'll be okay."  
  
Angel and Giles came into the room. Faith looked at them as she held onto Willow.  
  
Giles stopped. "I-is she...?" he began to inquire softly.  
  
Faith nodded.  
  
Giles sat on the edge of the bed slowly. He put his hand on Willow's shoulder and said her name softly.  
  
Willow turned her head to look at him. "G-Giles?" Her eyes were glassy.  
  
He sighed a deep sigh of relief that she knew who he was as he smiled warmly at her. "Y-yes, Willow. It's, er, me." He hesitated. He put his hand to her forehead. "Oh, my...you've got a fever." He looked at Angel.  
  
Angel nodded. "I'll be right back."  
  
Willow watched the man go, and then she looked at Giles. "W-who was that, Giles?"  
  
Giles took off his glasses. "That was, er, uh, Angel, Willow."  
  
Willow looked at him blankly. She blinked her eyes at him. Then she closed her eyes and stopped breathing.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
Willow did not respond.  
  
"Oh, de-dear Lord," Giles cried as he put his ear to her chest. "No!" He looked at Faith with a panicked expression. "She's-she's not breathing! Her heart has stopped!"  
  
"Get out of the way!" Faith snapped. "I know CPR."  
  
Giles did as well, but he was numb inside. He moved out of Faith's way as she checked Willow's airway. Then she blew in a breath for her. She began with compressions next, and blew in her mouth again. She repeated this three more times when Willow gasped. She was breathing.  
  
Giles was so relieved, he fell onto his knees beside the bed and grabbed at Willow's hand.  
  
Faith looked at Willow with increasing worry. "Giles, she's still unconscious." She paused. "Shouldn't we take her to a hospital?"  
  
Giles hesitated. "We-we can't. We could lose her."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"How can we-we explain what happened to her, Faith? They wouldn't believe us, and they would take her from us un-until they knew what to do with her. They-they might even keep her locked up in an institution with white walls, and-and she deserves better than that."  
  
Faith touched Willow's face. She was so hot. "Giles, man, I'm scared for her. What are we going to do?"  
  
"We'll help her. I-I swear it, we will."  
  
xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwx  
  
TO BE CONTINUED-- 


	5. The Fever

Chapter 5-The Fever  
  
Willow's fever stayed with her for two days. She got so sick that she couldn't eat, or drink without throwing it back up. Giles was beside himself with worry. He and Cordelia did everything they could think of for her and nothing seemed to help.  
  
Faith continued to stay by Willow's side. She helped her whenever she needed it. Whether it was to rub her back comfortingly, holding her hand, or wiping a damp, cool cloth over her feverish brow. Faith was bound and determined to protect Willow at all costs, and she also wanted Willow to know it. She wanted the poor girl to feel safe again. Unfortunately, the fever didn't seem to be breaking.  
  
The fever was a cause for great alarm.  
  
_____  
  
"I don't un-understand it," Giles said as he ran his hands through his hair, pacing along the lobby floor. "Where is-is this fever coming from? Did the Witch somehow pass a virus of some kind to her when she was transferred to the trophy?"  
  
"We don't think so," Wesley told him from behind the counter. He placed a book onto it and sighed. "We've been researching the books for malady's, diseases, and ills of every kind caused by spells, but everything we've come across requires a great deal of ingredients or time to prepare, and Catherine Madison couldn't have had either."  
  
"So the Witch didn't give Willow anything," Cordelia replied. "At least that's a good thing."  
  
Giles looked at them. Then he turned to regard Angel. "Then what could it be?" He hesitated. "Angel, what's wrong with-with her?"  
  
Angel let out a sigh. "I wish I knew, Giles, but I don't." He looked at the Watcher with concern. "Listen, Giles, you've got to stop beating yourself up about this. This is not your fault. We've done all we can, the rest is up to Willow."  
  
Giles remained silent, but he looked drained.  
  
"Giles, nobody knew," he said softly.  
  
"And why is that, I wonder?"  
  
Cordelia came around the counter. "Apparently, Giles, Catherine Madison was just too damn convincing as Willow Rosenberg. Willow was friends with Amy, so the Witch must have known her well enough to become her." She paused. "And we were all different back then. I mean, none of us really knew her back then except..." She suddenly stopped as she realized who's name she was about to mention. She felt horrible for him because when he found out about this, it would hurt him badly. "Oh, God."  
  
Angel and Giles knew who she was referring to.  
  
"Xander," Angel replied softly.  
  
Giles closed his eyes. "This is too-too much." He put his hands to his face in frustration. "Why-why do these children have to suffer so?"  
  
Wesley paused. "They're not exactly children, Giles. Buffy herself has proven that to the Council."  
  
Giles actually glared at him. "No! Of-of course, they're not children! They were never given the opportunity to be children living on the Hellmouth! They-they were thrown harshly into a world where-where they didn't have a right to be! A world where demons and-and vampires roam freely about, bent on death and destruction!" He turned his back on them and glared at nothing. He closed his hands into fists. "Willow shouldn't have to face that any more. She can be free of it."  
  
Silence descended upon them. Everyone thought about what he had said.  
  
Finally, Angel said, "That's for Willow to decide."  
  
Giles turned his head to look at him. "What if she can't make that decision? What if she-she needs someone to decide for her?"  
  
"Would that someone be you?"  
  
Giles hesitated. "Per-perhaps it would."  
  
"What would you decide if she can't?" Angel watched him. So did Cordelia and Wesley.  
  
They waited for the Watcher's response.  
  
Giles turned around so that he was facing all of them. "I-I don't know, Angel. At least, not yet, but I would take her somewhere safe. Where there are no demons and no vampires. I'd take her some place where she could live a normal life."  
  
"And the Council?" Wesley asked. "Would you turn your back on the Council?"  
  
"Well, it-it," he took off his glasses, "wouldn't be the first time, and it's not as if they hadn't turned their backs on me-me more than once." He wiped at them with a cloth and frowned. "Still, our most pressing problem is the fever. We have to find a way to-to break it."  
  
"We've tried everything," Cordelia reminded him.  
  
"Not everything," said a voice from behind them.  
  
They all turned and there standing on the stairs was a man who knew how to dress well. He was even handsome in a peculiar way. His skin was green and he had horns on his head.  
  
"Lorne," Angel greeted with a nod.  
  
Cordelia smiled. "Hi, Lorne. Do you know of a way to help break Willow's fever?"  
  
Lorne returned the smile as he approached them. "Absolutely. After all, my mom used the same technique on me when I was feverish with the Rantuna Bug, and it worked like a charm."  
  
"The Rantuna Bug?" Angel inquired curiously.  
  
Lorne hesitated. "Uh, don't ask. Although I recovered from it, it was still gruesome and the details are really not a nice thing to talk about, so let's skip it."  
  
"That's probably a good idea."  
  
"Excuse me," Giles interjected, "but I-I must point out that Willow does not have this-this Rantuna Bug."  
  
"That's a good thing, too," Lorne said cheerfully, "otherwise she'd be growing planktons and barnacles on her..." he stopped when he noticed the looks he was getting. "Ah, never mind that. Anyway, I'm sure this technique will help. It's relatively painless and yet it truly is soothing."  
  
"What is it?" Angel asked.  
  
"A lullaby."  
  
"A lullaby?"  
  
"Yes. A lullaby."  
  
Giles frowned. "Singing a lull-lullaby to Willow is going to help?"  
  
Lorne looked at him. "Well, it couldn't hurt."  
  
"But-but who would sing this lullaby? I certainly don't have the voice for it." He looked at Angel. "Do you?"  
  
Angel shook his head. "Don't look at me. Lorne is the only one I know who sings lullaby's."  
  
Giles looked at him.  
  
"Uh, but not to me."  
  
Giles frowned. "He can't go in there to see Willow. He's a demon."  
  
"Giles, he--"  
  
"Angel, this is the real Willow, and-and she hasn't seen a demon. What do you think will happen when she sees Lorne?"  
  
Angel looked at Cordelia and then Wesley. He didn't know what to say. Giles was right.  
  
Lorne held up a hand. "Well, if I may say, just give me the chance to help the poor child." He looked at Giles. "She'll be frightened at first, but I promise you, the lullaby will help her."  
  
Giles hesitated. "Al-alright, but I'm going in with you."  
  
"Ah, no. You see, that isn't really a good idea. It has to be just Willow and I." He shrugged. "Otherwise, you'll go right to sleep and have strange dreams, which might inadvertently affect--"  
  
Giles held up a hand. "Alright. Just-just do it."  
  
_________  
  
Faith came out of the room reluctantly and she looked at Lorne as he went in. She didn't like leaving Willow's side, but if the jolly green tall guy could help her, she was all for it. If he only proved to hurt her, then God help him, 'cause she was going to kill him.  
  
Lorne entered the room and he slowly approached Willow. She saw him coming and opened her mouth to scream.  
  
The scream never came.  
  
He sang to her. His voice was melodious and soft, and somehow the words reached her. She began to relax. Her nightmares went away. Her fever broke. When Lorne left the room, Willow was sound asleep. If she were better in the morning, she would want answers. Giles hoped they were prepared to answer them.  
  
xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwx  
  
TO BE CONTINUED-- 


	6. Sisters

Chapter 6-Sisters  
  
Willow was dressed and she was sitting on the bed she had been staying in since she had been freed from the trophy. It all still seemed like a terrible nightmare. Any minute, she was going to wake up and just realize she had to face another day knowing Xander was chasing other girls and not her.  
  
Her lower lip trembled. He probably had a girlfriend.  
  
Giles had told her about Angel and Buffy, and he had told her what Catherine Madison had done to her. Willow accepted Angel. So he was a demon. Well, Lorne was, too, and he was green. He also had a nice voice and Willow was grateful for him. She was also very grateful for Faith, who wasn't a demon. If it wasn't for Faith being there for her, she didn't believe she would have recovered as quickly as she had.  
  
Willow sighed. Recovered? she thought to herself. Well, she still had a long way to go for that. Everything she had known was gone. The person who had used her body had gone through junior and senior class, had graduated, and who knows what else she had done. The fact remained. It wasn't Willow who had experienced life. Willow Rosenberg-the real Willow Rosenberg-never experienced those days. She had never kissed a boy, never had a date, never went to a prom, and never lived the life that should have been hers. Never made love. Never graduated. Never experienced life as a Freshman in college. Never drank a beer!  
  
What was going to happen to her now?  
  
What was Xander going to do once he found out what had happened to her?  
  
A tear trickled down her cheek. She was more afraid for Xander at that moment than she was for herself.  
  
"Hey," Faith said softly as she approached. "Are you ready, Will? Do you really want to do this?"  
  
Willow looked up at her. "No," she said softly.  
  
So softly that Faith almost didn't hear her. "Well, you don't have to. No one's going to make you do anything you don't want to." Faith watched her with concern. "Okay?"  
  
"I-I don't want to do this," she said quietly, "b-but I have to." Finally, she looked up at Faith with tears in her eyes. "I-I'm scared."  
  
Faith bit her lip to keep herself from crying as she went to Willow and hugged her. Willow returned the hug. She put her head on her shoulder and closed her eyes. Willow remembered a time before she had been put into a cheerleading trophy when she lived with her parents as an only child. She didn't have a sister, but having Faith with her made her feel like she did. It felt so good to have that in her life right now. It made what she was going through a little easier. Not much, but a little.  
  
"Hey, being scared isn't so bad," Faith told her as she held her. "I get scared sometimes. Hell, I'm afraid of my own shadow, but I don't let people know about it. Y'know?"  
  
Willow sat up and looked at her. "Are-are you really? Or is th-that a fib?"  
  
Faith regarded her. "Well, part real and part fib."  
  
Willow paused thoughtfully. "What do you mean?"  
  
She hesitated. "Ah, you know, the fib is that I live like I'm on the edge. That I can take anything the world throws at me. That I can take care of myself." She looked into Willow's eyes. "But that's the whole lie. Angel helped me see it clearly, Will, and I want you to see it, too. I know you're not near anywhere as bad as I was, but I do know what you're feeling. Like no one is there for you. I used to feel that, too. I wanted to feel like that because I didn't want to let no one in." She swallowed back her tears. "You know, I could have saved myself a lot of grief if I had just let one person in. I know that now, and that's what's real! You have to let someone in. You have to reach out sometimes for someone to help you."  
  
"You-you needed help?"  
  
"Yeah, I did. You know, there were a lot of people who were willing to help me. They just didn't 'cause I wouldn't let them." Faith paused. "I don't want you to get to that point, Will. What you're going through is painful and," she hesitated, "and it might get worst. You might feel like running away. You might feel like shutting everyone out and be your own person. Please, don't. No matter how hard it gets, please reach out to someone. Reach out to me. I'll help you any way I can. I'll always be there for you."  
  
Willow's lower lip trembled. "You-you're like a sister I-I never had, Faith." She sniffed. "I-I do need you. You've been there for me since- since I came back. I-I don't know what to do without you."  
  
Faith didn't realize the impact she had made on Willow until then. She hugged Willow and the tears she had tried so hard to hold back came in a flood of emotion. The things she had done, the friends she had turned her back on, everything that was Faith bled through her tears. Willow was at first surprised, but she held onto Faith and they took comfort in each other.  
  
After they had spent their emotions, they drew back and looked at each other.  
  
Finally, Faith wiped at her eyes and tried a grin. "Wow, girlfriend. Where did that come from?"  
  
"I-I dunno," Willow replied quietly. "Faith, uh, I-I'm here for you, too." She looked at her.  
  
Faith hugged her again. "Thank you, Will. We'll be like sisters!" She smiled.  
  
When they were ready, they went downstairs. Willow stayed beside her adopted sister as they stopped at the bottom of the stairs. Angel, Wesley, Cordelia, Lorne, and Giles were waiting. Willow looked at them and fidgeted nervously.  
  
Giles approached her carefully. "Willow, are-are you ready?"  
  
Willow hesitated. Finally, she nodded.  
  
Giles looked at her. He couldn't help himself any longer. He took her gently by the shoulders and looked at her closely. "Willow, I am-am so sorry. I had no idea what Catherine Madison had done to you. I should have known, but-but I didn't. I swear to you, I'll make it up to you somehow. I'm-I'm sorry."  
  
Willow hugged him. Giles found himself returning the hug. As they hugged, Willow said, "Giles, I'm-I'm not afraid of frogs no more."  
  
He looked at her. "You're, er, not?"  
  
She shook her head. "I'm afraid of trophy's." She paused. "And-and witches." She wanted to say that she was afraid of Xander, too.afraid that he wouldn't like her any more. The Xander of today was not the same Xander of five years ago.  
  
"Well, don't-don't worry about them. Faith and I will take you home, where- where you're known and loved by your family and friends." He tried to smile reassuringly at her. "We've been here so long, Buffy has started to ask a-a lot of questions."  
  
They had stayed at the hotel for a month. Giles had felt Willow needed the time to regain some of her equilibrium.  
  
Willow's heart felt like breaking. "Giles," she said softly, "if I'm so known and loved by f-family and friends, how come they didn't know that I wasn't really me?"  
  
Giles didn't know what to say.  
  
Angel stepped toward her. "Willow, if you want to stay here, you're welcome to."  
  
Willow glanced at Faith. "Thank you, Angel." She hesitated. "I-if I need to come back, can I?"  
  
"There's always a place for you here." He looked at Faith. "For both of you."  
  
Willow hesitantly approached him. "Uh, Angel...?"  
  
Angel paused. "Yes, Willow?"  
  
"Uh, if-if we hug, c-can you promise not to bite me?"  
  
He smiled at her. "I promise." He hugged her.  
  
Willow was relieved that he kept his promise. She also hugged Lorne, and then Wesley. Angel was glad to see her responding to others. It was at least a good sign.  
  
When Willow went to Cordelia, she regarded her with suspicion.  
  
"What is it?" Cordelia asked.  
  
Willow hesitated, "I ju-just can't get over how different you are." She regarded her. "You even look different."  
  
She paused. "How do I look?"  
  
She pursed her lips in thought. "Kinda grownup." She paused. "Uh, well, you used to be mean, b-but you don't look mean. You're n-not any more though, right?"  
  
Cordelia smiled. "Of course not, Willow. I'm not mean any more." She wanted to tell her that she didn't believe she was ever mean. However, she refrained from saying that because it wouldn't have been appropriate during the circumstances. "In fact, I changed over the years. I've helped Buffy with the research part of things, and once, I even dated Xander. Would someone mean date a guy like that?"  
  
Willow stopped breathing. She took a step back and stared at Cordelia as if she had just done something horribly wrong. Cordelia realized her error too late and she took a step toward Willow imploringly. "Oh, God, Willow, I'm sorry." Cordelia reached for her.  
  
Willow backed away from her and cried out, "Giles!" She didn't know what else to do. Her world was already horribly unbalanced. Now Cordelia had just made it worst by her confession of dating the only boy she ever loved. One thing was for certain. Cordelia was not going to get a hug from Willow now. "Giles, please...c-can we leave now?"  
  
Giles glanced at Cordelia. "Yes, of-of course."  
  
They all said their good-byes, but Willow could not bring herself to look at Cordelia. In her mind, Cordelia had never changed. She was still as mean as ever. Cordelia had done the one thing Willow only dreamed about. She had dated Xander. On their way out the door, tears rolled down Willow's cheeks, and she didn't wipe them away.  
  
Beside her, Faith worried like hell about how Willow would feel if she ever learned her adopted sister was the one who had stolen Xander's virginity.  
  
xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxw  
  
TO BE CONTINUED-- 


	7. Running Away

Chapter 7-Running Away  
  
Willow had no idea what to expect. All she could think about was when Xander bought the bracelet for Buffy just before cheerleading tryouts. She remembered throwing Holy Water into Darla's face to get her off from Giles when they were at the Bronze. She remembered Buffy talking about a tall and dark stranger who was both handsome and mysterious. That was Angel she later found out.  
  
She remembered confronting Amy Madison in the corridor and asking her if witches really did ride upon brooms. Then she opened her eyes to discover her world was gone. She sat in silence as Giles drove to Sunnydale. Faith sat with her in the back, but for the most part, they didn't talk. What could they say? What could they possibly tell Willow that would change things back to the way they were?  
  
Giles hadn't told Buffy what had happened yet. He had tried, but each time he had called, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. It was hard over the phone to break this kind of news so he decided to do it in person.  
  
As he pulled the car into Buffy Summer's driveway, time seemed to slow down for all of them.  
  
Faith wondered how Buffy would react when she saw her. Giles worried how everyone would take the news that Willow was not who she had been and was now who she should have been. Willow was just scared to death. She began to tremble as she looked out the window at Buffy's house. She had been there a few times that she could remember, but she had to remember that Giles told her she lived there.  
  
Willow wondered about that as Giles turned to face her. "Willow, are-are you ready for this?"  
  
Willow looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Uhm...no, but, I-I have to."  
  
Faith regarded her. "No, you don't have to. You can leave. You can go anywhere you want to go, and we'll take you there. The life you knew is gone, Will. Things are different."  
  
Willow looked at her. "I h-have to know what happened to my life."  
  
She paused. "Okay."  
  
"J-just don't leave me."  
  
Faith smiled reassuringly at her. "I won't."  
  
Giles and Faith climbed out of the car. Willow couldn't bring herself to move until Faith came around and opened the door for her. Willow wiped at her eyes, took a deep breath, and climbed out.  
  
"You're back!" someone exclaimed with excitement from behind.  
  
They all turned and stared as a young woman raced up the walk toward them. Giles turned white when he recognized the girl and he was too late to stop what happened next. The girl wrapped her arms around Willow and pressed her lips to hers.  
  
Giles could have slapped himself for his own stupidity. Throughout the talk he had with Willow, he had stupidly forgotten all about Tara. How could he possibly have forgotten, he would never know. Now it was too late to say anything about it.  
  
Willow tensed and her eyes stared as the girl continued to kiss her. She couldn't bring herself to move. Tara finally stopped kissing her when she realized that something was wrong. Slowly, she backed up and looked at Willow with concern.  
  
"W-Willow, what's wrong?" She looked into her eyes, searching.  
  
Willow took a step back. She stumbled and nearly fell, but Faith caught her by the arm, helping to steady her.  
  
Tara took a step closer, a puzzled frown on her face. "Willow?"  
  
Faith held up a hand in front of her. "Back off, sister." The look she gave the girl stopped her in her tracks.  
  
"Ta-Tara," Giles said softly, "something has happened."  
  
Tara looked at Willow fearfully. She was shocked at what she saw. "Oh, my God, she-she doesn't recognize me." She bit her lip nervously. "Giles, what-what's happened to her? Is she going to be alright?"  
  
Giles looked at Willow.  
  
Willow stayed beside Faith and watched Tara carefully. She looked scared as she absently wiped at her mouth with a shaking hand. There were tears in her eyes. She kept thinking to herself, I was kissed by a girl. Ewwww!  
  
Tara wanted to hold her so badly, but she didn't move. She didn't want to frighten Willow any more than she already had.  
  
"Is Buffy home?" Giles asked.  
  
Tara paused, looking at Willow. "Yes. Xander and-and Anya are here, too."  
  
"Dawn?"  
  
Tara nodded.  
  
Giles paused. "Okay. I'm-I'm going to take Willow into the kitchen. Would you please get Buffy and Xander and have them meet us there?"  
  
"Yes. I can do that." She looked at Willow one more time, and went into the house through the front door. By the time she was inside, she was on the verge of tears.  
  
Dawn, Anya, Xander, and Buffy were all in the living room. They were just sitting around shooting the breeze. To be able to kick back and relax in the company of friends was the ultimate hangout thing to do. When they saw the look on Tara's face, however, the mood in the room suddenly changed.  
  
"Tara, what's wrong?" Dawn asked her with concern.  
  
Tara hesitated. "W-well, there's, uhm, Giles is b-back with Wil-Willow, and-and there's some other g-girl with them." She looked at Buffy. She knew the other girl was Faith, and she remembered how mean Faith had been to her when she was in Buffy's body. She didn't know how to tell Buffy about Faith being the other girl without Buffy getting a little too upset about it.  
  
"Anybody we know?" Xander asked with a casual grin.  
  
Tara swallowed nervously. "Uh, I-I don't know how to tell you th-this, b- but, uhm..." She took a deep breath. She looked from Xander to Buffy. "Giles wants to s-see both of you in the kitchen."  
  
Buffy regarded her with a troubled expression on her face. "Tara, what's going on?"  
  
"S-something's wrong..." Tara closed her eyes as she felt them fill with her tears. She took another breath, and she made herself look at Buffy. "Something's wrong w-with Willow, Buffy. She looked at me...and-and she didn't even know me."  
  
Xander raised himself from the sofa. "Hey, what do you mean there's something wrong with Willow?"  
  
Anya frowned and looked at him. She remained silent, but she didn't like the way things were going. Every time something happened to poor little Willow, up went Xander, ready to defend her in every possible way.  
  
Tara looked at him, desperation in her eyes. "I-I don't know, Xander. She just doesn't know w-who I am. I-I kissed her, and-and she acted like I-I gave her the plague." She was trying hard to understand what was happening.  
  
"Hey," Xander said as he put his hands on Tara's shoulders reassuringly, "we'll find out what's wrong. Okay? Whatever help Angel needed in LA, something happened, and now they're back home. Maybe it's just a little setback. Give Willow a little time and everything will return to normal." He smiled. "Okay?"  
  
She shook her head. "No, Xander. I-I don't think this can be fixed."  
  
Xander looked at her. He was beginning to wonder what had happened in LA. What happened to my Willow? he wondered. One thing was certain, and that was if anything did happen to Willow, he was damned well going to find out what it was. He turned to Buffy. "Let's go in the kitchen," he said calmly.  
  
Buffy nodded. She turned to Tara. "Who's the girl you saw with Giles and Willow?"  
  
Tara didn't answer.  
  
"Tara?"  
  
She closed her eyes. "I-it's Faith," she said softly.  
  
Dawn looked at her closely. "Who?"  
  
Buffy glared, but she knew it wasn't Tara's fault. "Did you just say the name I think you said?"  
  
Tara nodded.  
  
"She's here? In my HOUSE?"  
  
Anya looked at Buffy curiously.  
  
Tara shrugged hopelessly. "B-Buffy, I'm sorry, b-but, yes. Faith is in y- your kitchen."  
  
Buffy turned around and headed angrily for the kitchen. Xander went to follow when something made him stop in his tracks.  
  
Anya said under her breath, "There goes our hero, off to save the Willow- damsel in distress."  
  
Xander looked at her. "What did you say?"  
  
She smiled sweetly. "Nothing. Forget it."  
  
He regarded her. He knew what he heard, but he didn't have time to deal with it at the moment. If Willow needed him, he was there. That's all there was to it. He turned and went after Buffy to the kitchen.  
  
______  
  
Giles and Faith lead Willow through the back door into the kitchen. Willow stood by nervously as Faith stayed with her and Giles closed the door. He noticed that the sun was just going down and let out a weary sigh. He feared that any moment now, Spike would show up.  
  
Buffy came into the kitchen with Xander following behind, and they both went to Willow. Their concern for her was all over their faces.  
  
"Tara said something happened to Willow," Buffy said. She glared daggers at Faith. "She also told me that YOU were here, too!" She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her nerves. "Giles, what's going on? What happened in LA?"  
  
"Will, are you okay?" Xander asked with concern as he put his hands on her shoulders.  
  
Willow looked into his eyes. She took a deep breath. "X-Xander...?"  
  
Xander looked into her eyes. "Hey, Will, you're shaking." Deeply worried, he put his arms around her and held her close. "Hey, it's okay. I'm here now. I've got you."  
  
Willow broke down and cried. She was so glad to see him again. She never thought he would ever be this close. She closed her eyes and felt him against her.  
  
Buffy turned to face Faith. "Did you do something to her, because if you did, I swear to God, I--"  
  
"It wasn't me who did this," Faith told her harshly. "Catherine Madison did, and you should have known somehow." She looked at Xander. "You especially."  
  
"Catherine Madison?" Buffy inquired, puzzled. "What the hell are you talking about? Catherine Madison is dead. She went to some dark void a few years ago."  
  
Xander just looked at Faith as he held Willow. He remembered when Madison had been stopped and Buffy had been saved, but he didn't know what any of that had to do with Willow now.  
  
"How did you know about that, anyway, Faith? You weren't here then!" Buffy turned to Giles in frustration before the raven-haired girl could respond. "What happened?"  
  
Giles let out a weary sigh. "We told Faith ab-about Madison, Buffy."  
  
"Before I take your head off your shoulders," Buffy told him sweetly, "can you tell me why you would tell her about that?"  
  
Faith rolled her eyes and shook her head. "God, B! Lighten up. I'm trying to help Willow."  
  
Buffy glared at her.  
  
"Buffy, f-for five years, the Willow Rosenberg we-we knew was not the real Willow Rosenberg." He paused for affect. "It was Catherine Madison."  
  
Buffy and Xander stared at him. Willow looked up at Xander and waited for him to throw her aside.  
  
"The real Willow," Giles continued, "has be-been trapped within a cheerleading trophy for five years while Catherine Madison lived the life that should not have been hers."  
  
Xander took Willow's head gently in his hands and looked at her face closely. He looked into her eyes. He looked at her nose, her mouth. He drank her in because he didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be true. He would have known. He WOULD HAVE KNOWN!  
  
Willow didn't move. She looked at him helplessly. She hoped against hope that he wouldn't hate her.  
  
"This-this can't be!" Buffy exclaimed. "Willow's my best friend, I would have known if something was different."  
  
Giles shook his head. "You and I both were new, and-and we were both just getting to know her." He paused. "We were both easily fooled."  
  
"Why would she do this?" Buffy asked. "Why would Madison take Willow's life? It-it doesn't make any sense!"  
  
"She wanted to be young again, and for a time, she was."  
  
Buffy looked at Xander and Willow. She ignored Faith. She made a fist and turned to glare at Giles. "Willow...or Madison..." She sighed. "Giles, this is wrong. If that was Madison, she was good. She helped us! She-she wasn't bad, and everybody loved her. How could this be? The Madison we knew was evil!"  
  
"I don't know. Perhaps she-she played the part of Willow so well that in a sense, she became Willow. The fact remains. She wasn't Willow." He pointed at the weeping girl in Xander's arms. "She is."  
  
Buffy frowned. "Where is Madison now?"  
  
"In the goddamn friggin' trophy," Faith answered.  
  
Buffy looked at her. "And you're here because...?"  
  
"I'm helping Willow."  
  
"Is that right? How? You tried to kill her once."  
  
"I tried to kill you, too. Look, B. I'm not perfect. I made a lot of stupid ass mistakes, but I paid for them. I don't expect you to forgive me and welcome me back with open arms--"  
  
"That's a relief," Buffy interrupted, "'cause you're sure as hell not going to find one OUNCE of forgiveness here!"  
  
Faith let out a sigh. "I'm not here for any cheap, crackerjack forgiveness, B. I'm here as Willow's friend whether you like it or not. She needs me and I'm helping her."  
  
Xander held Willow, listening to the conversation around them. "Willow, is this...God, is this true?" he whispered hoarsely to her. His eyes were wide. "Is it?" His throat felt tight with emotion.  
  
Willow nodded. "How...?" she trailed off. She looked into his eyes, searching.  
  
Xander knew what she was about to ask him, but she didn't have the strength to form the words. How could he not have known? He thought long and hard about it, and he was ashamed of himself for not having an answer. He looked at Willow. "I'm so sorry."  
  
She looked into his eyes. "Me-me, too." She felt useless. She felt more alone in that moment than she had ever felt. How could she be important to anyone if no one really knew who she was?  
  
Xander knew what she was thinking. "No, Will. Please, I'm so sorry, more than you can know, but you are special. We do love you. Please don't shut us out. Don't shut me--"  
  
"Why are you cuddling with her again?"  
  
All eyes turned toward the sound of that voice. Anya was standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips.  
  
Xander swallowed. "Anya, please go in the other room. This is NOT the time."  
  
Anya, however, didn't move. "But look at you. You're holding your best friend. Again! You always hold her. You hold her when you're at the movies. You hold her when she breaks a nail. You hold her when she smiles at you. I smile at you. You would think you'd hold me."  
  
Xander let go of Willow and moved toward Anya. "This is very important, Anya."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure it is." She looked at Willow. "Why do you hug other girls boyfriends? Is that a human thing? Is that something I should try?" She paused. "I suppose some people like it when their boyfriends are hugged, but I don't like it. At least, I'm sure I don't." She looked at Xander. "What is wrong with Willow now that she gets a hug and I don't?"  
  
Buffy shook her head. "You've got a lot to learn."  
  
Faith took a menacing step forward. "I'd like to be the teacher."  
  
Anya looked at her. "Who are you? Are you threatening me?"  
  
"Please," Giles began, trying to smooth things over, "everyone just-just calm down. This is hard enough for us all, and we-we need to remain rational about this."  
  
No one calmed down. Anya was still trying to get answers from Xander, and Xander wanted her to leave the room. Buffy was holding Faith back from taking off Anya's head. Giles couldn't get anyone to listen to him.  
  
Suddenly, there was a loud whistle.  
  
All eyes turned to see Spike and Dawn standing in the doorway. Spike had whistled to get their attention. When they all looked at him, he let out a sigh and frowned at them. "What's wrong with Red?" he asked. "And where the bloody hell is she off to in such a fired up hurry?"  
  
"Where is she off to?" Xander asked. He looked around.  
  
Willow was no longer in the kitchen.  
  
xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwx  
  
TO BE CONTINUED-- 


	8. Disowned

Chapter 8-Disowned  
  
Willow ran. She ran to the only place she could think of. It was the one place she knew and trusted since she was a child; where she had lived all her life.  
  
6305 Westminster Place.  
  
At least that is where she had lived five years ago, even though it literally felt like just yesterday to her. It was so confusing at times, she couldn't keep things to straight for long. Her home still had to be the same, she reasoned with herself. Her Mom and Dad would always be there for her, after all. If things had changed drastically, wouldn't Giles have told her?  
  
As she approached the house, she didn't notice anything different. Then again, looking at the world around her with eyes blurry from tears, she wasn't exactly seeing too clearly.  
  
All she could think of was home. She wanted to just go to her room and lie on her bed. She wanted to cry into her pillow. That's all she wanted. Something familiar. Was that too much to ask for?  
  
She went up to the door and grabbed the doorknob. She began to turn it. Suddenly, it opened for her and someone she never saw before looked at her with curiosity and suspicion. He was a man, but he wasn't her father.  
  
Fearfully she stepped back and looked up at him. "I-I'm sorry," she blurted out. "I-I just--"  
  
"Are you okay?" the man asked her. "Do you need help?" He looked at her with concern, but he kept himself in the doorway, blocking the entrance into his home. He didn't know who this young woman was. She could be any one of those crazy people often talked about on the news.  
  
"Uhm...Rosenberg," she managed to say.  
  
He shook his head. "No. They don't live here any more. They moved some time ago."  
  
Willow froze. She tried to comprehend what the man was saying. "M-moved? But...why? I mean, uh, where did they move to?" She looked up at him, desperate to know.  
  
The man looked at her. "I don't know where they moved off to. They never told anyone as far as I know. I can tell you why they moved though. Because of the strange things that went on around here. They just didn't like it any more, and then one day, they decided to sell the place and move."  
  
"When..." she swallowed, "when d-did they move?"  
  
"After their daughter went off to college." He shook his head. "I guess that was the straw that broke the camels back. They took their daughter's key from her when she moved out and told her she wasn't welcome any more."  
  
Willow wanted so badly to die. She couldn't believe her parents would kick her out. "B-but why?"  
  
The man shrugged. "They said she was a witch. Into witchcraft and all that garbage. Hey, my kids don't get into that. I'd disown them, too." He paused. "What's your name, anyway?"  
  
Willow hesitated. "I'm-I'm sorry to disturb you," she said quietly. Then she turned, and in a daze, she began to walk away.  
  
"Hey," the man called after her, "are you okay?" He watched her walk up the driveway. "Miss?"  
  
Willow didn't answer. She didn't even hear him. She just kept walking and didn't even care where she was walking to. All she knew was that her friends never knew her, and she had been disowned by her parents for something she never did.  
  
There was nowhere to go.  
  
She stopped walking and remembered something.  
  
There was a place. It was the only place she could remember, the only safe place. She turned around and headed for it at a run. She didn't stop running until she was there.  
  
Willow found herself panting by the time she reached the base of the tree where the old fort was. She put her hands on the wooden ladder that Xander had pounded into the tree years ago. It was a good, strong ladder, even now, she thought as she felt along the wood. Xander was always good with his hands. He would make a fine carpenter some day, at least he would have. Now there was some blonde on his arm who probably wanted him to be something he wasn't.  
  
She leaned against the tree and cried. The pain was too much. Her stomach hurt, her body trembled with fatigue. She was an emotional wreck. How could she possibly cope in this world now? After she saw this Anya storm into the kitchen, demanding to know what her Xander was doing hugging another woman...  
  
Willow doubled over as a wave of pain struck her. She threw up, and afterward, she leaned against the tree. She looked up and began to climb it. She found the trap door that led inside, and climbed in. It was dark, but the moonlight through the window helped her see the lantern. After a few tries, she managed to light the lantern and she looked around the fort that had once been hers and Xander's.  
  
Her eyes stopped at the Friendship Nail. There it was, her first nail. She remembered pounding it in, or at least trying to, and wound up banging her thumb. The little sign Xander made was still there.  
  
REFUGE  
  
And under that...  
  
THE FRIENDSHIP NAIL  
  
Willow touched the nail and smiled fondly at the memories, which flooded her mind. They were good memories. She looked over at the window and realized Xander had found time to put in a real one. He had even made a little desk. His sleeping bag was rolled up under it. She put the lantern on top of the desk and saw a photo album.  
  
Sniffing, she wiped at her eyes, took the book, and then sat down to look at the photo's.  
  
Every photo was of her and Xander, or just her. There was a picture of her and Xander at the local ice cream parlor, out on the picnic table in front of the shop. They were sitting close and smiling at the camera. There was a picture of Xander pulling her along as she sat on a red wagon. Their first picnic at 5. That's when he had stolen her Barbie. There were more pictures, and as she looked at them, she began to realize something.  
  
She remembered every one of them.  
  
These pictures had been taken before she lost her five years. There were no pictures of her after Madison had forced her into exile. The last picture in the book was of Willow on the ladder above Xander. She had her arms around his neck as he stood in front of the ladder. They were both smiling.  
  
"Why no more pictures?" she wondered out loud. She looked up and saw an old shoe box.  
  
Curious, she reached for the box next to the sleeping bag under the desk, pulled it out, and opened it. She stared in wonder.  
  
There was her Barbie. The one Xander had stolen. It even still looked brand new. She took it out. There were a few other things in there as well. Some old baseball cards. A sling-shot. A hammer and some nails. A few pens.  
  
She looked.  
  
A journal.  
  
She took it out. Hesitantly, she opened it and she immediately saw Xander's hand writing. There were only a few pages written, and she read them. There were no dates, just thoughts jotted down.  
  
**Today I sat and waited for Will. She never showed. I thought with what happened at school today, she would come to the Refuge and we could both deal with what happened to Principal Flutie. I feel lonely without her. Will hasn't come to the Refuge since what happened with Amy and Amy's psycho-Mom.**  
  
Willow took a deep breath.  
  
**My life is over. I can't deal with this anymore. Something's wrong with this picture in perfect USA Sunnydale. I mean, what does she see in Oz any way besides a lot of hair and really bad breath? She's changing. Or maybe she already has changed and I missed it somehow. It's not just about her going out with wolfy-boy. It's the magic she's getting into. What is that all about? I don't like what it's doing to her? My yellow-crayon breaker has turned into a girl with a bewitching attitude.**  
  
Willow turned the page.  
  
**The Willow I knew is gone. I am so shocked beyond words, I am stunned beyond belief. Magic, and now this. She's going out with another girl. Willow, where are you? I thought we'd always be together. I miss you so badly, it hurts. Sure, I'm the kind of guy who laughs at all my woes and keeps an upper lip, but when I'm alone and no one sees me, I'm just another guy who misses his girl.**  
  
Willow looked at the last entry Xander had written.  
  
**Willow, I love you. Xander. PS: Whenever I close my eyes, you're all I dream about. I know we don't talk like we used to. I guess things change. I know things have turned out differently than either one of us had ever expected. I just wish I could tell you that no matter what, I'll always love you and no one else. Even if by some small chance, I do find someone out there, she'll never be you. She'll never be Willow Rosenberg.**  
  
Willow sat against the wall and held the journal close to her chest. She realized suddenly that is some small way, Xander did notice something strange about who she was during those five years. He had known she wasn't the same.  
  
For the first time since she was free from exile, Willow began to feel hope.  
  
xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwx  
  
TO BE CONTINUED-- 


	9. Second Chance

Chapter 9-Second Chance  
  
No one knew where to look for Willow. They tried everywhere, but they couldn't find her. They went back to Buffy's and tried to come up with an organized plan to locate her. Tara suggested a locator spell, but when she tried it, it didn't work.  
  
When she saw that it didn't work, Tara lost control of her emotions. She fell to her knees, put her face in her hands, and she wept bitterly. Buffy and Dawn were beside her, trying to offer her comfort. Buffy looked up at Xander helplessly.  
  
Xander swallowed. "Tara..." He went to her and he, and Buffy helped her up as Dawn stepped back. Together, Buffy and Xander guided the broken girl to the sofa and made her sit. As they did, Giles, Faith, Anya, and Spike just watched. Faith felt like she didn't belong there, and she wanted to leave to give them all their privacy, but she was afraid if she moved, something would happen. So she remained where she was and waited.  
  
"I-it's over," Tara said between sobs, her eyes wide in disbelief. "I-I c- can't believe it. I-it's really over. Willow is l-lost to me."  
  
Xander tried to smile reassuringly at her, but failed. "Hey, things will work out. You'll see."  
  
Tara looked into his eyes. "You don't understand. The-the Willow I knew, I was d-deeply in love with her, but-but she's gone. She's gone, Xander, a- and it kills me, be-because I don't really know w-who she was or if s-she even truly loved me." She paused. "Now there's a-a new Willow...a different Willow, and-and she doesn't even know me." She looked at Xander. "A-all she knows is you. Xander, y-you're the only one w-who can truly help her. N-none of us can. Just you."  
  
Buffy turned to him. "She's right. You're the only one who can get Willow through this."  
  
Xander stood up and balled his hands into fists. "I can't help her," he said softly.  
  
"Yes, you can, you son-of-a-bitch," Faith snapped. "What's your problem, huh? Don't you get it? Man, I can help Willow only so far, but that's only because I connected with her somehow when I found the trophy. The connection between you and her run deeper than anything, Xander. Whether you see that or not, if you don't help her, then she will be lost." She got right into his face. "If we lose her because of you, I'll kill you."  
  
Xander stared at her.  
  
"Faith, back off!" Buffy said through clenched teeth.  
  
Spike watched Xander carefully. He seemed thoughtful, but as yet, he had not voiced how he felt about the current situation. Since no one had asked him, he decided to remain silent.  
  
Faith completely ignored Buffy. Her eyes were locked with Xander's. She was waiting for him to respond.  
  
Xander finally did respond, by leaving the room. Angrily, Faith was going to follow him, but Giles stopped her by pulling her aside. Xander headed for the door and as he grabbed the doorknob, a hand touched his arm. He stopped, turned, and found Anya at his side.  
  
She looked at him sheepishly. "I'm sorry."  
  
Xander sighed and shook his head. "Anya, you don't have to be--"  
  
"Hey, I was pretty harsh when all of this started, so if I want to apologize for it, the least you could do is let me. Okay?"  
  
He looked at her. "Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry."  
  
She frowned. "Stop being sorry. Xander, you're making this difficult for me."  
  
He was about to apologize again, but stopped himself. "Anya, I don't want to make anything difficult on anyone. I...I really just don't know what to do."  
  
"I know what you have to do. Deep down inside, you do, too. And, well, it's okay." She frowned. "Sort of. I mean, I understand and all, but..." She looked at him. "What do humans do at times like these?"  
  
Xander paused. "I guess they cope."  
  
She hesitated. "Xander, I've lost you, haven't I?" She watched her intently. "I'm really sorry I hurt Willow earlier. I-I didn't understand what was happening." She took a deep breath. "I do now. More than you can know." She fought to keep the tears from falling. Tears were something she didn't understand. When they came at times like this, it hurt her heart.  
  
He regarded her. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Look, before I was human, I was a demon, and I saw a lot of things in my life. Things like this. Things like...fate, and one thing I've learned about fate is that you have to let it happen, because if you don't, then everybody suffers. So I'm letting you go to be with the one you're fated to be with. I-I can't stand in the way of this, Xander."  
  
He opened his mouth to talk, but she put a finger to his lips.  
  
"No," she said softly, shaking her head. "Don't say a word. Just listen to me. If you and I go on as we have been, and we aren't fated to be, then somewhere down the road, we'll fall hard. We'll end up hurting ourselves and those around us who we love." She smiled wryly at him, her eyes blurring with tears. "I know what I'm talking about. I've seen it happen. So you go, and you find her. Tell her I'm sorry for being mean."  
  
"Anya, I--"  
  
"Just go, Xander. Please."  
  
Xander looked at her, and then he went outside in frustration. As he stood on the front lawn and gazed up at the stars, all he could do was feel anger at himself for letting Willow down, and pain as he realized that even though Anya had let him go, she was still deeply hurt. What was wrong with me? he asked himself. "I should have known," he said out loud. Then he bowed his head in despair.  
  
"I don't imagine beating yourself up about this does anyone any good," Spike said as he joined him out on the lawn. He lit up a cigarette and watched Xander carefully. "Do you?"  
  
Xander didn't look at him. "Go away, Spike. I'm not in the mood."  
  
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but you'd better get in the mood because I'm not about to go away any time soon."  
  
Xander turned his head and glared at him. "I swear, I'll kill you."  
  
Spike shrugged. "Ah, well, and we both know you can kill me because my brain has been wired. Damn chip and all." He took a drag on his smoke. "If you kill me though, I won't be able to help you find Red." He looked at Xander out of the corner of his eye.  
  
Xander balled his hands into fists, but he made no move to attack Spike. He did, however, continue to glare at him. "Do you know something I don't?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Spike, if this is a game you're playing--"  
  
"I just want to ask you something first."  
  
Xander hesitated. "What?"  
  
"When you find her, what are you going to do?"  
  
Xander considered the question. "What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean what are you going to do with Willow once you have found her? The girl's a wreck, soldier boy, in case you haven't noticed." He shrugged. "Hell, I suppose anyone would be a wreck after being trapped in a godforsaken trophy for five years. Her life is gone, mate. She doesn't know any of this world now." He paused. "All she knows is...you." He paused. "Just as Tara said."  
  
Xander looked at him. "What are you telling me, Spike?"  
  
"You are that girls' only light at the end of the tunnel." Spike pointed at him. "You're the only one that can help her. Not any of the Scoobies, not Buffy, not the Watcher...just you. So you now have a choice to make about how your life is going to go. I think you know what I mean."  
  
Xander's silence spoke in loud volumes.  
  
Spike nodded knowingly. "I thought so. You've already been thinking about it, but for how long?"  
  
"I don't know...a while now." Xander took a deep breath. "It...it just doesn't feel right. I mean, I care for Anya, but..." he trailed off.  
  
"You never did love her, did you?"  
  
Xander shook his head. "I thought I did."  
  
"When did you realize that your love for Anya wasn't real?"  
  
Xander looked at him as he looked deep within himself. He was doing a lot of soul-searching. "Spike...I-I guess it was never real."  
  
Spike looked at him with genuine surprise. He suspected that Xander had stopped loving Anya at some point, but not this. "Are you bloody serious?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about this."  
  
"Well, why not? Look, I don't care one way or the other, but if you go after Red and you find her, you need to tell her one way or the other about how you truly feel." He shrugged. "Don't worry about Anya. She's a tough lass. She'll be fine."  
  
"Where do you think Willow is?"  
  
"I know where she is, but we're not through here." He regarded Xander. "What's going on?"  
  
Xander let out a sigh. "I guess I..." He shook his head and thought about Willow. She was really crazy about him back then. He was just as crazy about her. "I've always loved her, Spike. I thought that one day, we would end up together. We would marry and grow old together, but we grew up so fast, and things just happened differently." He frowned. "If this hadn't of happened to Willow, I wonder if we would have fallen in love."  
  
"Well, now you both have a second chance to find out," Spike said softly. "Things happen for a reason. They always do. Life has that about it, especially when certain things are just meant to be."  
  
Xander turned to look at him. "I do love her, Spike. I always have."  
  
"Then go and get her."  
  
"Where?" he asked, his heart beating in his chest.  
  
"You know where she is."  
  
Xander looked puzzled. "But I don't know. How could I know?"  
  
Spike took a drag on his smoke and looked up at the stars. "Some years back, I took a bloody stroll in the woods of Sunnydale. This was a few years before Buffy arrived." He paused. "I came across these two little kids building a fort in the woods and I could have taken them if I wanted to. I didn't. I was curious about what they were up to and so I watched them for a couple of nights. I watched the girl bang her hand with a hammer and I watched the boy hold her until her sobs ceased, and I marveled at the love I saw there. I thought to myself, oh, now this is real, genuine love. Not that gooey kind that's on the surface, but the real bloody thing." He shook his head. "So these two kids go on and they build a bloody fort. It might as well have been a fortress for all I know because when they were done, it became a refuge for them. They didn't realize it, but their sweat and blood and tears strengthened that fort. They sealed it when they made it their own." He looked at Xander. "No one could get in unless invited."  
  
Xander took a deep breath as he realized what Spike was talking about. "Are you talking about the fort Willow and I made when we were kids?" He was stunned. "You saw us?"  
  
Spike paused. "I did."  
  
"And you didn't come for us then?"  
  
"Bloody hell, I couldn't. The two of you were in that fort until sunrise. So I just went on my way."  
  
Xander hesitated. "Spike..." He stopped, truly at a loss for words.  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
Xander smiled wryly. Then he turned and he ran off to find Willow.  
  
Spike lit up another cigarette as Anya joined him. "Got a smoke for me?" she asked.  
  
Spike put another one in his mouth, lit it up, and then passed it to her.  
  
Anya took a puff. "Men are pigs."  
  
"You heard?"  
  
She nodded. "It's okay. I understand. Besides, you heard me talking to Xander at the door."  
  
Spike looked at her. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah. I think so."  
  
"Uh, you don't seem so bloody upset about this."  
  
"I'm not."  
  
Spike paused. "Why not?"  
  
"Because men are pigs and this I already know. Why be upset about what men really are?" She took another puff. "Is there any alcohol at your place?"  
  
"Lots of it."  
  
"Can I drink it all?"  
  
"Certainly."  
  
"Then lead me on, you scum sucking pig you."  
  
Spike and Anya, both demons of nature, walked arm in arm to the cemetery.  
  
xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwx  
  
TO BE CONTINUED-- 


	10. Together

Chapter 10-Together  
  
Xander stopped at the base of the fort and he looked up. He could see the flickering light from the lantern he had left up there so long ago. Willow had found it and lit it, and now she was up there, alone. She wouldn't be alone for long, he decided. He began to climb up to the fort.  
  
He managed to get inside and as he did, he saw Willow watching him as he entered. She didn't say anything to him, but her eyes never left him. She was sitting with her back to the wall, the shoe box open on her left, and the photo album lying open before her.  
  
Xander closed the trap door and he turned to look at Willow. "Do you remember hitting your thumb with the hammer, Will?" he said softly as he glanced at the nail holding the Refuge sign. "You weren't the only one who felt pain that day. So did I. When you cried, I wanted to cry for you. I wanted to take your pain away...just as I want to do that now."  
  
Willow looked at him. She wanted to say something to him but couldn't make herself open her mouth to tell him anything. She was so glad he came to her.  
  
Xander took Willow's hand in his, unaware that in her other hand was his journal. "This place has always meant something more to me than just a fort, Will, 'cause you helped me with it. It's made me realize the one thing in my life that has truly been missing has always been you. I know that now. Maybe that's why I couldn't figure this out until now. That's why I didn't know what happened to you because back then, I was blind."  
  
She shook her head at him. "No...y-you're wrong, Xander."  
  
Puzzled, he looked at her. "Willow, what do you mean? I'm trying to tell you how sorry I am. I should have known something was wrong. I--"  
  
"You did know," she said softly as she showed him his journal. "Y-you realized that I was changing and that-that somehow, I wasn't really the person you knew. So-so you did know something was wrong." She looked into his eyes. "You just didn't know what the change was." She paused. "I remember wanting you so badly to fall in love with me...and-and now I know you did." Willow swallowed. "I-I love you so much, Xander." In a whisper, she said, "Everything is so different. M-my life is gone. At-at least, the life I had, and-and I have to live with that, but I-I don't care what happens as long as I ha-have you."  
  
Xander took her in his arms. "You do have me, Willow. You always did."  
  
She closed her eyes and snuggled against him. "Wh-what do we do now, Xander?" she asked quietly.  
  
"We make a new life, Willow."  
  
She looked at him. "H-how?"  
  
"Together."  
  
They held each other and offered comfort to one another. A new day was on the horizon. They didn't know what it would bring, but at least they would face it together. Willow's pain was still deep, but because of Xander, she was willing to face anything as long as he was there by her side. They laid together in the sleeping bag he brought, and Xander reached over to put out the light. That night, they held each other and they talked about everything. Willow asked about what she had been like when she wasn't herself and he told her. He told her about his life, his relationship with Anya, and the realization of what he had been missing in his life.  
  
They talked all night long. When the morning came, they were both fast asleep and Willow's head was upon Xander's chest. In her sleep, a small smile touched her lips.  
  
_____  
  
Quentin Travers placed the accursed trophy on the surface of the table before the Watcher's Council in England. "This is the most pressing matter at hand," he said to all those present. "We must do something about Catherine Madison." He looked around and made eye contact with everyone present. "She has begun a terrible work while she possessed Willow Rosenberg and we must find out what that work is...and stop it before it's too late. My sources tell me that Madison had a secret agenda. A purpose of dark intentions." He paused for affect. "If we don't find out what she intended, we may very well seal our doom and the earth's as well."  
  
xwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwxwx  
  
FINISH...? 


End file.
